Monday, May 7, 2012

Insulting as "Always"

Insulting people is one of the more exquisite art forms of the English language. Be it in physical form, by "biting our thumbs," "flipping the bird," and "mooning" -or the more loquacious bouquet of four-letters and their kin, insulting one another flares almost instinctually when menacing malapropisms spew forth. Unfortunately, events have us believe that we need to swear in order to do so successfully. By debunking them demonstrating with "X" words, I will show that a harmless little word, can indeed be the most potent.

When someone is up-front and launches the trusty four-letter F-bomb, It's lands with the snap of a small fire-cracker in the palm of an open hand. Sure it leaves a burn, but it doesn't completely blow up the clenched-fist grenade that might leave the recipient without an appropriate finger to further the formality.

Sometimes, you only need a piece of something, like a piece of "S," or having a fat piece of "A." These words tend to connect with a string of linear insults -often having to do with my mother. Again, the slang is slighted both by it's over-use and the strange associations I make to comedies that involve an overweight male-actor who finds he has friends when he needs to confront the "bad-guy."

The five-letter female follow-up bites me in the smirk most personably. Usually when a woman is called a female dog, she is trying really hard to be the "B" word anyway, leaving the insult instead as a compliment to the femme-fatale. When used on a man, the insult is usually said by another man. This leaves everyone speechless, being that you don't discuss religion, politics, or gender when passing the insult at dinner.

If one must force fowl language, it makes it that much more humorous, much like Ramona Quimby saying "guts" when she promises to say a REALLY bad word. It's cute, or even endearing to hear a novice try to sound bad-"A." So many small curses, so little creativity, so minor the insult.

Overall, if you think about it, it is easy to laugh at the tale-tosser's ignorance, smile (it is, perhaps one of the most underrated vocabulary words despite its overuse), and smile with mild wryness, mutter an almost rehearsed, "what?" or the superfluous, "what did you just say to me?" -all without getting fumed up.

Currently smirking at the dictionary of more "British" slang I have begging to pour like a pint from my fingers, I will withhold them and allow your imagination to run freely so I can enter into the one word that will piss off even the most titanium-sided egos.


As in: "You're ALWAYS so..."
  • Dramatic
  • Emotional
  • Quick to Judge
  • Arrogant
  • Insulting
  • Mean
  • Rude
  • Nosy
  • etc.

My conclusion is that one of the most underrated insults we sling around the mouth is the seemingly harmless word, "always." Although not the first word to meet the mind as "swear," it nonetheless has a tendency to send another person into a rage -especially when used as argumentative advantage. And; after all, isn't THAT the real point of insulting someone in the first place?

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